It is normal for women to huddle up together and discuss their current relationships with their girlfriends. If you are like me, you have a few girlfriends in your circle that you have know for 10+ years and feel safe, to be honest about your relationships and ask for advice. However, before you ask your besties for advice, make sure she doesn’t fall into these categories below.
- Her Wounds Aren’t Your Wounds. A lot of women (understandably) have a lot of wounds from past relationships. In optimistic situations, those wounds can breed wisdom. In other cases, those wounds can breed bitterness, unforgiveness or harshness. You simply telling your girl that your man didn’t call you back one day, can trigger that abandonment feeling she had from her ex. Next thing you know she’s saying you need to break up with him. Hold up. It’s best to ask her for advice when she is on the other side of her own pain and rejection. You don’t want her wounds to bleed all over your relationship.
- You Can’t Trust Advice Coming From Someone Who Isn’t Practicing Healthy Decision Making In Their Own Lives. Not to diss your girl who consistently makes reckless decisions, don’t we all? But if you notice she continually participates in behavior that seems degrading and risky, she may not be able to provide you with the best advice on how to cope with your relationship ie. Molly & Issa on Insecure.
- She May Not Be Happy For You. This one is probably rare in best friend relationships, but sometimes when a woman isn’t happy with her own situation, it’s impossible for her to be totally objective when giving you advice about your life. She also may want you to be single again so you can spend more time together. Or, put simply, she’s jealous. Again, this could be a more subconscious thing, she may not even be aware of it—but if you all aren’t kicking it like you used to and she misses ladies night, she may not be rooting for the success of your relationship like she should.
- She May Hold You To Her Standards Instead Of Yours. She may need a man who tells her she’s beautiful every moment. She may need a man who makes six figures and takes her out on dates every weekend. You may be totally happy with a man who does poetry for a living and gives you your space. Everyone deserves to get exactly what they want and need. But her standards may become a problem if that’s not actually what YOU want for your life. Just make sure you can separate her desires from your own.
Lastly, this works in reverse too. If you fall into one of these categories, let be honest and direct your friend to someone else who can give the proper advice. No one wants to be the bitter friend in the group.